Taking A Leap Of Faith When Everyone Says I Shouldn’t: A Testimony
‘Sometimes you just have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down.’
– Kobi Yamada
Want to know what’s terrifying? Leaving a job during a pandemic.
It’s the second job I’ve left behind since the pandemic began, actually.
And it wasn’t even that safe – it was a 12 month fixed-term contract.
But, on all the levels you could think of, I just couldn’t afford to stay.
That indescribable itch for ‘something else’ that I’ve had for a good number of years now just continued to get worse, and my health has been paying the price too.
Tying myself in mental and emotional knots with affecting the company involved as well as myself was taking its toll… even though they were extremely and surprisingly understanding, it got too much and I was dreading sick leave ending.
They went above and beyond for me… but what happens when that isn’t enough?
Most folk I’ve spoken to about this have advised me against leaving my job, because pandemic.
I get it: the economy is in bad shape, thousands are losing jobs that they actively want to keep… and yet here’s me voluntarily burning through TWO jobs in 2021.
Nothing is ‘back to normal’ yet, so hang on to what you’ve got, or you’re mad. Why would anyone take a leap of faith right now?
I am extremely fortunate: I’m still young, I have an education and writing skills, a roof over my head, savings to get me by for a little while before I need to start begging, good people around me, and a (shaky) belief in myself.
And while I’m not an expert in anything except previously going for what I want, I want to achieve what my heart wants, and that is something that is as yet unknown to me.
Now that is difficult and frightening to put solid trust in when you’ve been stealthily conditioned as a human being to never take any risks, of any kind, ever, because ultimately you might die as a result.
Questions I am constantly asking myself:
- Am I crazy?
- Why take a leap of faith now?
- Is this a mistake?
- Am I a mistake?
- Will my life change, or stay the same?
- Is this a… ‘rebirth’?
- Is this all just a glitch in the matrix?
- Have I been called to some kind of higher experiment by Spirit?
- Will I find success somehow, or fail miserably and die alone, destitute and drinking from puddles of muddy rainwater?
I don’t know.
And I am most certainly jumping before I feel ready.
But although I feel alone on many levels on this petrifying blind leap of faith, I know that I have myself.
Even if I feel small and insignificant.
So here I am, Universe, show me what it is that you want from me.
Stay tuned to find out how I get on in the great big scary unknown as an unemployed writer/person with a laptop!